Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Signs of Abuse in a Relationship

     You may ask What is there to know?  I already know the signs!  I used to think I knew the signs until I myself went through the Domestic Violence.  Even then I still would not have admitted to going through such horrific things.  As a child and teenager I would always tell people I am NOT going to be with no man that beats me!  There is much more to the abuse than just him or her hitting each other.  I have listed here a few things that over the years I have learned, mainly from experience and some from other sources.

     At first we will list the obvious ones that should throw up a red flag for anyone!

  1. 1.  They suddenly walk around with sunglasses on because they have a blackened eye.  If you have a really close friend that never wears glasses and suddenly has on a pair and especially refuses to remove them when coming indoors, your friend may be in a bad situation!
  2. Broken bones - Everyone at some time in their life may experience a broken bone, but if someone is suddenly receiving what would be considered more than usual broken bones, and their story is they fell down steps, or tripped and hit the floor.  You may want to try and talk to this person.  Don't be surprised if they don't want to talk, they are afraid for their life at this point.
  3. Depression - most people when they are being mistreated tend to blame themselves for what happened to them and tend to stay away from others.  They used to be an outgoing person and now they don't want to leave their house or have company.
  4. Weight gain or weight loss - You know your friend and you know if they are trying to gain or lose weight.  Major gain or loss is never a good idea for health reasons and with depressions,  and stress we tend to deal with it in our own way.  Maybe they are refusing to eat or overeating to comfort their own feelings!
  5. Sex - If your friend was the type of person that stayed solely with one partner and suddenly was seeking out attention in unhealthy manners he/she may be abused.  This is also common in especially young girls that are or were molested as young girls. If a person goes from being with one partner to having many partners, this could be a sign that they are in a sexual abuse situation.  They may not be the one looking for but will almost allow others to do what they will because they feel they have too.
  6. Cries alot - sometimes they will cry over spilled milk as the old saying goes.  This maybe because they are yelled at all the time over nothing.
  7. Self esteem goes to nothing - In most cases of abuse they are told they are nothing, and never will be nothing.  I was told I couldn't make it without him and that nobody would ever want to be with me.
  8. Cutting - sounds crazy but sometimes they do things like cut themselves to feel alive, I did.  If he could inflict pain on me why couldn't I?  It just made me realize I really was somebody!
  9. Withdrawals - Their entire lifestyle may change from going out with friends or talking on the phone to you can't find them.  They refuse to answer calls and never wants to be part of anything anymore!
  10. Alcohol and or Drug abuse - Again a way of dealing and blocking out the pain!

     This post was not intended in anyway to diagnose someone.  This is things I experienced with myself and felt maybe or would help others to understand some of the things that abused women/men go through and even in some cases how they deal with it.  If you suspect something is going on with your friend try talking to them and just show support and concern.  If they are ready they will talk but you can not force them to communicate and talk about it.  Calling the law only made things worse for me because my ex-husband swore I was the one who called and I was beaten even worse.

Disclaimer:   I wrote this post for myself and not to be intended for any kind of medical use.  I have experienced this and this my opinion and that of NO others!