Saturday, July 23, 2011

Life After Domestic Violence!

     As a child I can remember seeing the neighbor run out her front door and her husband would come out the front door screaming and yelling at her.  I'll never forget it and I was just a tiny little girl at that time.  Out of all of our neighbors this was the only one I can recall ever seeing them fight and I don't ever remember reading or seeing anything about a man beating his wife or a woman beating her husband on the news or radio!  What has a country gone to?  It has become the norm now to see, hear, and read about these stories.  Well I am not here to tell you about a friend of mine or someone I know, I am hear to tell you a story about me!

     When I was 18 years old I was in college classes for cosmetology and one of the girls wanted to introduce me to her friend. He was single, nice looking, and had a place of his own.  I agreed and we talked on the phone a time or two and on Jan. 28 we went out on a blind date.  He seemed nice enough, and well we started dating after that.  I moved in with him in Feb. and then shortly after that is when the fun began.  He would get really angry at me for stupid stuff and we would fight.  Next thing I knew he hit me.  I always said I wouldn't be with a man that beat me for any reason.  Guess what?  We got married 8/5/95 just 2 days after me graduating from college!  We were married for 3 years 23 days and 11 hours.  In that time I was beaten, had glass plates thrown in my face, made to things sexually that not even an animal should have to do, and mentally and emotionally abused almost daily.  I would leave but he always came back and apologized and PROMISED to never do it again.  So I would go back.  About 2 years into the marriage I came up pregnant.  I was so happy and he acted like he was.  I hoped for the best and prayed it would work out.  I was raised that once you get married you stayed married.  Divorce wasn't an option for me because my dad taught me that we married in the eyes of God and the Bible says to not part.  I had, had enough and starting studying the Bible more myself and learned he was right.  In July 98 my Son was born and Eric my Ex-husband now became a totally different person.  Prior to the baby I wasn't always allowed to talk to my family but now he has quit his job so he can make sure I don't see or talk to any of them.  When my son was 1 month and o1 day old I had enough and I called my dad to come pick me up!  One month and 1 day after I left I was doing my paper route, Eric was in Jury duty, and my sister was riding with me to help deliver papers.  Sounds great I know but what happens next will floor you!  Eric called and asked could we talk?  I said yes I suppose and he meet me where I pick up my papers.  He go t into the passenger seat and then he reached over and grabbed me and put his foot on the gas pedal.  We came so close to hitting a toddler boy in the day care yard.  Needless to say after I survived this I wasn't going NO WHERE Around him again.

     The scariest thing I have ever done was leave him for good.  He promised that he would kill me if I did and that no other man would ever want me.  I was no good, and any negative thing you can imagine.  I took a chance in a man killing me and me busting Hell wide open to prove to the world that I didn't have to take i anymore.

     After being gone, and raising my son alone I decided to go back to school.  As every child at some point said I want to be fireman or a police officer.  I didn't just wake up and decide to go to school for Law Enforcement I went to the college and talked with my counselor.  I told him I wanted to help the community and thought that Criminal Justice was the way I wanted to go.  He thought it to be a great idea and told me I was taking BLET.  OK, so now what is BLET? I found out, it is Basic Law Enforcement Training.  All in a nut Shell it is the Police Academy!  So OK I am game for this and I think I would be a great officer.  While I was in the Academy, actually we were starting the Criminal Investigation phase there was a 5 year old little girl that had gone missing from her home.  Just so happens she lived near Eric and I had a bad feeling about it but nothing there.  I went to class one afternoon and the teacher that was teaching that night informed the class that they had a suspect.  They all knew who I was and instead of pulling me to the side to tell me what was going on they announced before the entire class.  The little girl was found raped, murdered and wrapped in a blue tarp along the river bank.  They had Eric as the suspect and since it has made things very hard for me and my son.  I graduated a few months later from the Academy but could not get an agency to hire because of what he was being charged with even though we had been divorced for 2 years,

     I was determined to not allow this to keep me down.  I continued my education in Criminal Justice but about half way through my classes I met my high school sweetheart again and we started dating.  I have always heard the old saying what doesn't kill us makes us stronger and at the time I would have told you that you were crazy.  Now looking back I have succeeded in life above and beyond anything I could have imagined.  I have 4 beautiful children, a husband that loves me, and My mother and father back in my life.  Eric went to trial and was convicted on all charges and is currently on death row.  It makes it bad for my son and we stay in therapy all the time but we make it one day at a time.

     I welcome any comments or even questions you have in regards to the post.  This is all true and based on my life as a young woman in the south.  If you yourself is a survivor let me know and maybe share how you have dealt with life's Lemons.  Did you make Lemonade or did you let the lemons take you down?  I hope you enjoyed a nice cold glass of Lemonade with me and showed them that you're not gonna take it!